Six Things

So, I was recently tagged in my friend’s blog and asked to write 6 interesting things about myself that people may not already know. I refuse to answer that tag, as I firmly believe that blog-tagging is for girls. However, on an unrelated note, here are 6 (possibly) interesting things about myself that you may or may not already know:

  1. I don’t believe in the Bible. OK, let me qualify that statement. As my LDS articles of faith proclaim, ‘I believe the Bible to be the word of God, as far as it is translated correctly.’ However, I don’t believe the Bible is an accurate historical document. I think much of the Bible is myth, allegory, faith-promoting story, or whatever else, but not necessarily how things really happened. Much of the Bible I would say may be historically accurate, but I don’t believe the world was created in 6 days (even 1000 year-long days as some would propose based on other references). I don’t believe there was ever a worldwide flood that killed every living person save Noah and his family. There are other stories which may or may not have happened (Sampson, talking donkeys, Elijah calling fire down from heaven). I really don’t know whether they happened or not, but it doesn’t really matter to me. To me, what matters are the life-lessons that can sometimes be gleaned from these stories. I think the Bible can be the word of God and still be historically untrue. Maybe I’m wrong, but that’s my take on it.
  2. I hate watching sports on TV. Sadly, I often end up watching home decorating or celebrity gossip shows, not my favorite by a long shot but that’s what my wife loves to watch so that’s what’s on in the background while I’m working or playing on the computer, and as much as I dislike TLC, E! and the Style channel, they are far preferable to Sports Center. TV Sports are SO boring! Especially college sports. Pro I can understand, but college is like watching a bunch of retards. Give me a break. I’m sure admitting this openly is going to seriously damage my straight cred, but I don’t care. I’d almost rather watch American Idol than TV sports. There are a few exceptions: I like to watch the NFL occasionally, especially the Super Bowl; I might tune in for the last inning of a World Series game, if the Cubs are playing (I know that’s not very often); and I could spend all day watching soccer, especially World Cup. Other than that, count me out!
  3. When I was about 5 years old I had to wear Forest Gump braces on my legs. There was something wrong with my joints or something, so I was the little handicapped boy on my block for part of my childhood. I don’t actually remember the braces (I think I’m repressing most of my youth), but I’ve seen the pictures, and they don’t look comfortable. I do remember my Dad having to teach me how to walk normally after getting the things off. Everywhere we’d go, he’d constantly remind me to walk heel-toe, heel-toe, instead of flat-footed. Eventually, I became the sterling athlete and all-around jock that I am today, so I guess, mission accomplished.
  4. I can’t stand country music, which shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone who knows me. My wife had a hard time our first year of marriage, not only because she was coming to terms with having married a total jerk, but because she loves country music and I, like the total jerk that I am, wouldn’t let her listen to it in my presence. I like a lot of different genres of music, but country has never been in the list. However, for some strange reason, I really like the band Alabama. It doesn’t get more country than Alabama, so I don’t know how I can claim to be a country-hater but a closet-Alabama fan, but there you go. I’m nothing if not complex.
  5. When I was in sixth grade I got arrested for making pipe bombs. I went to juvenile court and ended up having to do a bunch of community service hours to pay my debt to society. I’m happy to say, the rehabilitation didn’t take, though. I still love to blow stuff up and play with fire whenever possible. I have turned my powers to good, however, by joining the volunteer fire department.
  6. I hate everything to do with and I desperately hope never to go near Disneyland. I’m not sure exactly why, but in my mind Disneyland somehow represents everything that is evil. The idea of paying people gobs of money to stand in a line, shoulder to shoulder with a bunch of other idiots, and be marketed to just doesn’t appeal to me. I’ve had plenty of people, some of whose opinions I actually respect, tell me that Disneyland is great and I should just go and I would love it, but I don’t really believe them. My wife, on the other hand, loves Disneyland, and will, I’m sure, manage to drag me there one day, but I promise not to have any fun.
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6 Responses

  1. 5) I remember that. I’m pretty sure that was the “Mike Knight” times of destruction in Eastern Springville. Ah, the good old days before everyone got hooked on drugs and arrested multiple times (see the Utah County Jail website… it’s fun).

    6) Disneyland is fun. Come on. If you get the season passes it almost makes it feel good to stand in line because you didn’t pay *that* time. Yes, it’s cheesy. Yes, it’s overpriced. But the people that work there are nice, it’s clean as hell, and people seem to respect each other because they’re all in the same boat (lines, etc). Just do it.

    And I’ll give you a pass on the sports because you’re gonna go to Disneyland…

  2. If I have anything to do with it we will make a trip to Disneyland sometime in this lifetime with our children. It’s only fair really, I gave up the beloved Country music for you and that is much harder to do than a simple trip the the greatest place on earth. I mean, who doesn’t like country music?

  3. I don’t, Karli. ROCK ON, Mike!

  4. Holy crap, Mike! I had no idea you were such a crusty bastard. How old are you again, because seriously, you’re totally reminding me of my dad with some of these tidbits!

    1) SOOOO FUNNY! I know you’re not making a joke, but still, I find your honesty SO FUNNY! I also find your argument compelling.

    4) I know I’m risking being burned in effigy here, but as I recall, you’re a big fan of The Eagles. Do you seriously think they’re a rock band? Because I say they’re a Country Rock band AT BEST!

    5) You hung out with Mike Knight? How did you get your soul back? 😉 (I really am kidding, but dang! That kid used to scare the hell out of me!)

    6) As far as Disneyland goes… your abhorrence of the concept is understandable, but I bet you $100 that when/if you go you have the best time of your life.

    thanks for playing. i loved reading all this about you.

  5. See mike, not so easy to say no to the (fag) tag is it?

    Glad you did it too though because now I don’t feel so dumb. Or at least I have company now.

    1. I agree with you that not everything in the bible is historically acurate nor should it all be taken literally. The entire earth being flooded with all the evil people being killed is to symbolize baptism by immersion and washing away sins.

    2. I must admit I love watching football on TV, I also like watching the golf majors. I would rather eat dirt than watch baseball though. What about the Olympics? I like those too.

    3. I would have never guessed that. You were a soccer king, I think the only reason why I liked soccer as much as I did was because of you and your dad.

    5. Ahh, the good old days. Do you remember Art City? The old lady’s flowers and mooning her…flooding the Armory by aiming the sprinklers into the gym… Egging cars… LOL, we were such shits.

    6. I hate disneyland/world too but I do it for my kids. It is worth it I think. I was practically homicidal by the time we left because I can’t stand having so many people in such close proximity and all of them act like total a$$es. I had a lady ram her stroller into the back of my legs (TWICE so I would get the message) because I stopped on the sidewalk. Nevermind that I couldn’t get through because of all the people watching a parade…. If I would have had my Kimber on me she would have lost her knee caps…

    Great post.

  6. Rachel,
    I suppose the Eagles qualify as country rock, but it’s the ROCK that counts. When they went solo, 3 out of 4 of them made good music and the other was obviously gay, so he doesn’t count.
    I’ll take your $100 bet. Even if I do break down and go, and even if I do allow myself to have fun, there’s no way it will be the most fun of my life. I’ve had too many kick-ass rafting and Powell trips to match.

    Damon,
    This Bible as symbolism thing is a new concept for me, so I’m still having trouble sorting out what’s real and what’s not. Very difficult, IMO.
    I must have missed out on flooding the Armory, or I’m repressing that memory. I do remember lunches at Mike Knight’s house, though. I seem to recall eating Jell-O packets for lunch because his Mom was never there, and then getting into trouble on the way back to school. Good times.
    You’ve confirmed my worst fears of Disneyland. Also, I don’t buy into the ‘Doing it for the Kids’ argument. Why not spend the time and money taking your kids somewhere that doesn’t suck? I don’t know, maybe I am just a crusty old bastard.

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